Classes started today, and I was hoping that it'd take my mind off of things, but of course it didn't. It's only been the first day, though, so hopefully as the semester commences, my mind will slowly fade away from where it always is and I'll be able to actually enjoy my year. Here's to wishful thinking!!

I sat in the park with my laptop from 12:30 until 5:30 this afternoon and I think I'll start doing it more often. It gives me time to collect my thoughts that don't make sense when they're whirling in my head like usual. I've realized that, no, I'm not happy. There's no reason for me to lie to myself, or anyone else, by saying that I'm happy. I'm not, but it's okay, because I think that I can fix it. It may take a while for me to fix it, but I guess you've gotta start somewhere.

I'm going to start by dropping the whole "wanting a relationship" thing. I've always thought that if I have a girlfriend, I'll feel better and everything will be okay. I've learned that's not true. I need to better myself before committing to another person. There's no need for me to commit to them now and drag them into my inner turmoil. It's mine to deal with, and I need to deal with it on my own if I've ever going to get better.

Thank god for my friends, and thank god for Sara. Without them, I'd probably be dead right now, honestly. Soooo, Kudos!

.Cesar.